Friday, September 15, 2017

morning is coming [STAY. ft. me]


stay.

but why?
why stick around when every second crawls over you with shame and exhaust?
why continue to walk through each day like this? 
why live when dying would be so much easier? 

stay. 
because oh friend, you are in the night. 
you are fighting and I know it's beyond hard. 
I know it feels like you are too far gone. 
I know you think we would be better off without you. 

stay.
because let me tell you a secret: 
this is not the end of your story. 

the people you've convinced yourself are tired of dealing with you,
want more years to love you

the shame that is so heavy to carry, 
doesn't have to be carried alone

the exhaustion of life will heal with change and rest,
and doesn't warrant a very permanent sleep.

the terrifying idea that you are too far gone,
is nothing but a lie.   

the thought that life will never get better,
couldn't be more untrue. 

you, dear friend, are in the night. 
and the night is hard, long, scary, and exhausting. 
the night brings emotion that you are scared to face.
but please, don't hide it forever. 
because holding those emotions in, all alone, is what keeps us in the night. 

and I know it's impossible to see, 
but morning is coming. 
it's way closer than you think.
it's not always going to be fun, but it will get better

you will laugh again. 
you will feel the sun.
you will be free from what's holding you down. 
you will be stronger than the night,
and live to see morning. 

so please, stay. 
morning is coming.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
if you are struggling, please reach out to talk with someone. 1-800-273-8255 is a awesome, safe, confidential resource. please please please reach out. 

Thursday, September 14, 2017

because your light matters [STAY. ft. elizabeth]


when sweet sweet elissa asked me to write a post on the word "stay" in honor of World Suicide Prevention Week and her dear friend Maddy who passed away on Oct. 4th, it got me thinking of a lot of moments in my life where "stay" was difficult. I remember having to move and loving where we lived, i wanted to stay. i remember my dad holding on to the last of his days, being told i had to let him go, when all i wanted was for him to stay with me. I remember the anxiety and sadness i felt, and not wanting to stay anymore. but most of all, i remember the whisper i heard, telling me to "stay," because i was never alone.


so what does stay mean to you? for me, i see it different ways


i. staying present. it's hard these days to sometimes just keep yourself planted in the now, instead of alway being worried about the future. but staying present, taking note of where you are and respecting that, that's what staying should look like.

ii. staying faithful. this is a hard one sometimes, because it's easy to want to do your own thing and to think you can figure it all out on your own, but stay faithful to the Lord. seek his presence, give him your time, and live your life in step with Christ. stay faithful, fighting the good fight.

iii. staying hopeful. it hurts when people tell you to just be positive, because i get it, that's not always possible, but don't lose hope. one of the many many wonderful things that our Lord gives us, is never-ending, unrelenting, overflowing grace and hope. because of him, we can have hope for the future and say "it is well with my soul."

so honey, i know life is hard, i know there are struggles that no one knows about, that you're ashamed of, that you keep hidden in the darkest corner of your closet. i know, because i've been there, i've hid in that closet, fists held tight, eyes blurred, and silent sobs so no one would hear. it's so lonely, and scary, and small, but you know what dear friends? that small closet is never too small for God. stay, and find refuge in him. stay, because your light matters.


stay-what does that word make you think?

love you all my sweet friends,

Elizabeth



so Elizabeth is kinda one of my favorite people in the world- beyond the blogosphere, I actually get to see her in real life, which is just as awesome as you would imagine. Elizabeth blogs over at elizabeth anne, and she also writes poetry at chasing moonlight. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to say "hey!' in the comments below!

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

kinder by caring [STAY. ft. vanessa]


After I had met some people who struggled with mental illnesses I found myself wanting to be there for more people. I never understood how much of an impact mental illnesses have on someone's lives until I met people who struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders and other mental illnesses. These people opened my eyes to what having a mental illness is like and I am so blessed to have had that opportunity.

Mental illnesses make it impossible for people to stay present in their lives. They make everyday tasks into huge challenges so when someone has to deal with a lot of little tasks everyday one can become very overwhelmed. Staying present in their lives becomes a very hard thing for people to do when they are preoccupied with little tasks that become so much bigger.

Imagine living your life with worries and fears. Fixating over what people are thinking and being taken down by the thoughts in your head. That's a hard way to live. Living in the moment completely vanishes because you are living in the past or the present. It's a hard life to live.

It's important to show compassion to every human being because you never know what they are going through. It's hard for someone to openly admit they are struggling so by being there for someone you can provide them with a little bit of support to make their day easier. Different people will need different kinds of support so just because one thing doesn't work does not mean you should give up and move on. It's about treating everyone like friends so they feel comfortable and welcomed in this world.

Care for others by:
-Telling people if they need anything you will try your best
-Being friendly
-Offering a listening ear
-Sending little notes of encouragement
-Small acts of kindness
-Giving out hugs
-Respecting boundaries
-Telling people how much they mean to you

Suicide is one of the big topics when it comes to mental health but there is still a huge part of society that has a hard time talking about it. All mental illnesses can lead to suicide and that is a crazy thing. Simply said, show your support to every human being and you'll be able to help prevent people from taking their lives. It's all about being kind to one another.

Don't forget about yourself. Sometimes we put so much focus on other people and things we forget to check in with how we are doing mentally. It's important to take care of your mental health too! Don't neglect yourself. Every once in a while do a check in to see how you are doing.

Self-care check-in questions:
-How have I been feeling the past few days on a scale from 1-10?
-Have there been things on my mind that are drowning my thoughts?
-How have I been sleeping recently?
-Am I taking care of my personal needs?
-Do I spend time with positive people?

We all matter so much in this world so stay with us and make the world a kinder place. Care for one another and yourself so that we can strive as a community of human beings.

thanks for coming back for day 3 of Suicide Prevention Week! my dear friend Vanessa (who blogs at Simply Me) so willingly jumped on board to this project, and I'm so thankful for her wise words!  Go check out her blog and show her some love in the comments! 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

there is hope [STAY. ft. grace anne]

hi.


i don't know you, not really


and you don't know me


not really


but i do know something about you


you were born to run


it's woven into your veins, as innate as breathing


"the fight or flight instinct", science teachers tell us


our reaction to stress or fear


and sometimes, you're just too tired to fight


so you take flight


you run and run and just want to keep running, trying to escape the echoes in your head


and you're gasping, not knowing where to go, just knowing that you've got to run, got to get away


stay


stay, darling, stay


when it all feels like too much


and you can't see two feet in front of you


and everything is closing in


stay


i know i know i know it's hard


and you don't want to fight anymore


because what's the point? it never gets better, so what's the point? what else is there to do?


stay


because let me tell you a secret


you're not going to be stuck here forever. you're not trapped in the dark forever. light breaks through, night turns to day, and that string pulled tight around your lungs breaks and you can finally breathe. 


but how can you feel the warmth of the light on your skin if you don't stay? 


stay


stay, because there is hope. stay, because there is joy. stay, because there is healing. 


stay


stay, because the number of people who love you far surpasses anything you would probably even imagine. stay, because there are sunsets that you still haven't seen and music you still haven't listened to and adventures you still haven't had. stay, because you have so many more things to do. so many people to meet. stay for those dreams still curled up inside you. stories to write, places to go, things to create. stay, because even when everything feels like it's falling apart, you have a heavenly Father who loves you more than you are physically capable of comprehending and wants nothing more than to gather you in His arms, who has so many plans for you. Who has a future for you. Who created all of the stars and constellations and oceans and rivers and skies, and still knows the number of hairs on your head, because you are His, and He calls you His child. 


stay


stay, darling, stay.

hey friends! I am so honored that my dear friend Grace Anne said yes to participate in Suicide Prevention Week! Grace Anne blogs over at Totally Graced and everything she writes is AMAZING!!! So go check her out, and don't forget to give her lots of love in the comments below!

Monday, September 11, 2017

it isn't the only answer [STAY. ft. julia]


who says leaving is the only answer
who says you're not good enough
and what makes them the authority on that
why has giving up become the chosen option
when darling, there are so many more
it's not like pain isn't real
bc it is
what if pain is a blessing
what if staying could mean the difference between ending your story without really living it
the difference between life and death
doing hard things is hard - that's how its supposed to be
some days you will feel beat
sometimes you'll just cry
it's ok
don't say goodbye to second chances
don't cross off all the available options to the most empty of them all
stay. please. k.


[ okay so this is probably one of the toughest things I've written. it's tough bc its a subject a lot of people have chosen to brush past for many reasons. maybe you don't deal with these thoughts or don't want to think about them...well, whatever it is, they are still real. still there. Elissa emailed me + a bunch of other fantastic bloggers awhile ago. this is part of a post series about staying. about realizing that God has given you this life as a gift.  and that, you're loved. completely and utterly loved  LOVE, J]

in case you didn't already notice, Julia is completely and totally amazing! she seriously blows me away, and I'm so humbled to call Julia my friend! please check out her blogs the barefoot gal & twilight to dawn. And don't forget to show her lots of love in the comments! 

Sunday, September 10, 2017

STAY


Hey friends.

11 months ago my dear, sweet, kind, and funny friend died of suicide.
it has been long and hard.

It's left us asking questions we will never know answers too.
It's left us with fear.
It's left us dreading October 4th with more might than I ever thought possible.
It's made things seem shallow and silly.

Today, September 10, is National Suicide Prevention day.
I don't really know what that means for you,
and frankly,
I don't fully understand what it means for me either.

However, I do know that my heart aches to fight the horrible effects of mental illness.
I know that I care deeply for those impacted by feelings of doubt and worthlessness.
I get it.
I've been there.

About a month ago, I reached out to some people to see if they would join me in fighting darkness.
This week is World Suicide Prevention week, I feel called to scream from the rooftops:
stay.  

stay to hope.
stay to care.
stay to experience joy.
and stay because your story isn't over yet.

Each day for the next week, amazing young women have written posts that I can't wait to share with you. I invite you to join us in saying,
"stay."  

Friday, August 4, 2017

choose to believe [or not]


I walked to my nanny job after two weeks of vacation, to be smothered in hugs.
The little faces looked up at me and in the midst of procolmations about me being home,
"You look at little chubby," poped out of one mouth.

Given my rough history with body image and stuff, my heart skipped a beat.
Do I I really look  chubby? 
Chubby?  What does that even mean? 
Well I didn't really eat well on vacation .
Gezz Elissa, why did you have all those ice cream sandwiches!? 
You are so fat now. 
And you have absolutely no self control.
What a cow. 
All that in 0.067 seconds. 

Usually I can hear that, listen to the commentary, and shake it off because I have the tools to do so.
I know that I eat pretty healthily. 
I'm allowed to eat yummy things on vacation. 
*deep breath  Elissa*
But as I walked through my morning, it stuck with me. 
I started questioning all sorts of things and feeling sucky in general. 
This is what you look like now. 
A little chubby. 
How are you ever planning on showing up for dance  like this?
You know Nutcracker auditions are in a month right? 
Wow. 
When things like this happen, I know one of the abosolute worst things I can do is change how I eat my next meal. 
So eating lunch was next. 
And than a snack. 
And now I'm writing this post. 

You guys, in the same breath I was told I was chubby I was ask told I looked taller. 
I know I have not grown a inch in two weeks. 
So why am I willing to believe that I'm suddenly "chubby"? 
Why do I want to feel bad? 

Lies are smart like that. 
We dwell on the small ones, and they target or weaknesses like non other. 
They sneak into petty comments, shoot straight for the soft spot. 
They come to kill and distroy. 
So don't let them.

Choose what you believe. 
And please oh please, choose wisely.

Monday, July 31, 2017

hello it's me

Question: why are you not commenting on the amazing things I'm putting on the internet?
Question: why have you not posted all month?
Question: what the heck Elissa!?!?

ANSWER: Because I'm lazy and I've been in vacation.

*now that we have that cleared up*

Hello it's me, your friend Elissa!!
How's it going people?
What's the weather like where you are? [I'm actually genuinely curious because...]
I JUST SPENT 15 DAYS ON THE EAST COST AND MY LAND THIS PNW CHILD WAS HOT.

*cue vacation photo dump*

But actually I'm going to wait to post pictures because I want to say something meaningful.
IT'S COMING.

So yeah.
I've missed you guys.
What's been happening? 

Thursday, July 6, 2017

just be



well by golly it's july.
woaahhhhhhhh.

this summer, i'm challenging myself.
i'm challenging myself to not set all these giant goals.
i'm trying to not set big expectations.
i'm working on taking each day at a time, while still being mindful of how today will affect the future.

because in our mad stampede to have perfect Instagram-y, perfect beach-y hair, crossed off everything on the checklist, perfect food filled days, it's hard to just be.
at at some point, we all have to realize it's good (even healthy!) to stop doing and start being.

it's hard to enjoy life when you're so focused on enduring it perfectly.
it's hard to enjoy life when your checklist never shortens, day after day after day.
it's hard to enjoy life when you can't find time for the most important things.

today, take a moment to "be."
feel your lungs inflate and deflate with air.
hear the birds chirp.
let the sky shine on you.
and remember what a precious privilege it is to just be.


p.s. i got to hold puppies this week so yeah. be jealous. 

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

i'm wrong (and it's awful) but i'm learning


the other day I got called out.
callllleeeeddd out.
errrrrrrrrgggggg

me, perfect little Elissa, the all time people-pleasing-kiss-up has a plank in my eye.
and I was called on it.

and as much as it stinks and I feel weird and defensive about it,
it humbles me in a very uncomfortable way.

soooo I'm learning to loose the log.
I'm learning to stop and evaluate why I think the way I do.

I'm learning humility,
the word Jesus has been impressing on my heart.

I'm learning to receive correction with grace.

so I was wrong.
and it is awful.
but I'm learning.
oh how I'm learning.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

free at last


well, I turned in my last paper of junior year.
I watched some of my best friends throw their caps into the air.
we took our bow together.
the announcements are on the fridge. 

and we're free for summer. 
we're ready for beaches
long walks
shopping
sleeping in 

I'm ready to rest. 
my room needs a deep cleaning. 
the world weighs heavily on me.
I need some sun.

although I'm free,
I need Jesus. 
his stability calls to me, 
begging me to submit myself to his timing. 
his schedule. 
his freedom. 
oh how I find rest in his freedom. 


Thursday, June 8, 2017

chasing pink sky

today I am so cranky.
I've been a jerk and fought with my mom.
I've snapped and cracked.
errrr.
I just feel gross,
you know?

I'm tired.
Physically and mentally.

I've danced for what feels like fifty days in a row.
I've bottled bottled bottled emotion.
I'm bracing myself to say goodbye to dear friends and
I just.
don't.
want.
to.
I feel poor and I need to buy: makeup, a planner, sunglasses, and a phone case.
I thought I would be done with school today and I'm not.


It rained all day today,
which felt like a constant reminder of my inside state.
When I was driving home tonight after ballet,
it was still wet.
But it was also lighter than usual for 9pm.
To the left, it was dark and stormy and grey.
The right, however, was pink and yellow and blue.

I would glance through the empty streets of our little town, and see pink sky.
warm, saturated, sky.

You know, we serve a God of reckless grace.
Big, bright, beautiful grace that showers us when we humble ourselves before our God.

today, I'm thankful for grace.
I'm thankful for doughnuts and coffee.
I'm thankful for tears, however embarrassing or inconvenient they may be.
today, I'm choosing to chase the God who paints the sky pink.


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

be _______

be brave.
stop hiding in fear of screwing up.
stop protecting every inch of your design.
you can do it.

be bold.
start speaking life into others.
if the word is cold,
warm it with your flame.

be strong.
don't let fear get the best of you.
you contain more power and influence
than you will ever know.

be kind.
choose your words with grace.
little eyes are watching-
be the person you wished you had in your life.




Tuesday, May 30, 2017

broken people sit in church pews


every Sunday, church buildings fill up with imperfect people.
we stand in the sanctuary, singing songs led by flawed worship leaders.
we nit-pick words spoken by struggling pastors.


on Sundays, we slap concealer on our blemishes.
we straighten our posture and sweeten our words.
we nod and smile while tuning out.


how sad it is,
that we feel the need to pretend our brokenness doesn't exist.

because in reality,
when the broken pieces stand together
the glory of the fixer is all the more beautiful.



Monday, May 15, 2017

lately


lately
I've been trying to avoid sugar and it's pretty hard.
like, not very fun.
errrrr.
whyyy I'm I doing thiss...

ohh, also I'm really craving cheese pizza.


lately
I took the SAT and felt so, adult.
I'm sure I failed one of math sections because my brain fell out of my head.
Also, I didn't have any coffee that morning.


lately
I've been obsessed with the book of Habakkuk.
Like, I'm just a little bit in and I'm so blown away with the depth.
The parallels of my life are staggering,
so I'm trying to drink in it's wisdom.


lately
I've been rehearsing for my dance school's production of ALICE.
I have no idea what's happening.
No idea.


lately
I've been thinking about the future and how all my friends are graduating and leaving me.
*sniffffffffff*
wow.
There're all so beautiful, old, and talented and all these graduation announcements are making me sappy.


so what has your 'lately' been looking like?


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

his supercalifragilisticexpialidocious vision

what do you think the vision is for your life?

sure, make it through high school.
collage, jobs, kids, marriages.

but beyond that...
what do you think God's vision for your life is?


I know what my vision for my life is.
I graduate high school with perfect grades, before heading off to a conservatory to study dance performance.
I'll live in a perfectly, Pinterest-y dorm room and have lots of friends.
While I'm there, some visiting important-person will say I'm amazingly talented and ask me to come dance on Broadway.
I'll move and dance in lots of Broadway shows, while getting married to my incredibly hot husband.
We'll have a few Jesus-loving kids and live happily ever after.

but God's vision?
err, not really sure on that one.

right now I'm struggling with some hard people that love malice and gossip.
they deliberately hurt in order to deal with their own hurt.
they seek conflict instead of peace and humility, simply because it's easier.
and.
it's.
so.
painfully hard.

because where is God in this?
where is justice?
what's the next right thing?

the prophet Habakkuk asked God the same thing.
in chapter one, Habakkuk is complaining to God about the evilness of the world. 
he asks, "How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" [Habakkuk 1:2]

and God answers him saying, 

"Look at the nations and watch-
    and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
    that you would not believe
    even if you were told."

Habakkuk responds with a second complaint;

"Your eyes are too pure to look on evil;
    you cannot tolerate wrongdoing.
Why then do you tolerate the treacherous?
    Why are you silent while the wicked
    swallow up those more righteous than themselves?"


and agian, God answers saying;

“Write down the vision I am giving you.
    Write it clearly on the tablets you use.
Then a messenger can read it
    and run to announce it.
The vision I give you
    waits for the time I have appointed.
It speaks about what is going to happen.
    And all of it will come true.
It might take a while.
    But wait for it.
You can be sure it will come.
    It will happen when I want it to. 

whhhhaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt?!?!?!?

friends, His vision for your life is more amazing than you could ever imagine!
it's bigger than high school and Broadway and hot husbands.
it's SO SO SO SO AMAZING!

and all he asks of us is to wait.
to listen.
to write and read about his goodness.

today, I challenge you to stop.
to look through your journals,
read your old blog posts
think through your life.
see God's faithfulness.
see the beginning of his vision.

and know.
know that it's just that;
the beginning of an utterly amazing vision.

Monday, May 1, 2017

we don't get pauses

On the rare occasion that my mom and I fight (wink wink), 
there is often one, if not more, pauses.
We're big pausers.

It usually goes like:
blahhhhh blahhhh
blahhhhh 
*volume increases* 
blahhhhhh
yell shout yeellllllll
I'M GETTING TOO MAD I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK
OKAY!
OKAY, FINE!

And then I (because it's usually me who needs to pause) storm off and
a) cry
or
b) think of evil comebacks.

And while I sit there trying to think about why this is such a big deal (clue: 98.99% of the time it's not), my mom comes in peace and we try to figure out where our communication went wrong.
In a calm(ish) manner.
Sometimes we take more pauses, sometimes we don't.


You know what I realized about this?
It's really hard to hit the pause button in real life.



Almost every day someone asks me for a detailed power-point of the next ten years of my life. Usually I respond with one of my three canned answers.
And every time, I'm subtly reminded that I don't know what-the-heck I'm going to do.
Which is fine.
It's fine.  

But I just want to pause this whole stupid growing-up thing!
I don't want to take the SAT on Saturday.
I don't want to make a list of collages to visit.
I don't want to be responsible and grow up schedule my own appointments.
I don't want to face conflict on my own!


But as much as I'd like it, there are no pauses in life.
We can stop, think and take a walk, but the clock keeps ticking.
The music keeps playing.
And there are no pauses.

"You mean to say that you wrote this just to tell me that the world keeps spinning and just to keep freaking out?!?!?!?"

Err, kinda.

But I also want to remind you (and me) that we don't know the plot.
We don't design the timeline.
He does.
And He knows when we need time-outs better than we do.

So before you keep yelling, take a breath.
And remember:
His strength.
His pauses.
Because he's got it.
He's got you.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

one day [thoughts on the now & then]



one day a light will click,
and all this waiting will make sense.
all your prayers and cries that you spoke
will finally have resolution.
you'll come to see that the pleas tangled in worries
were actually wrapped tightly in Gods grace.

one day you will wake up
and the fog will be lifted.
you'll look back and see that the valley was much bigger
and the hills much taller.

one day you'll remember the time when you thought everything was over.
even though you were certain,
you were actually, well...okay.
and although it was awful and confusing and the waitttinngggg,
this place you are
just happens to be right where you are suppose to be.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

empty drafts



this draft is empty,
and because can't think of words.

but then i think
how authentic
an empty page is


Friday, April 14, 2017

take heart, dear ones

See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you. 

take heart dear ones,
for the Son of God has come.

worry not dear ones,
for he was betrayed in your place.

feel much dear ones,
for the lamb drank the sin of the world.

read much dear ones,
about the moment darkness was defeated.


so take heart dear ones,
because Friday is not the end:
Sunday is coming.




Wednesday, April 12, 2017

5:07am

5:07am
It's quiet right now.
Everyone sleeping, curled in their beds.
The cars swish past every once in a while, rain drops dance off and on.
But it's quiet.
The sky is black, although the earth prepares for the arrival of the sun.

I think about my day:
Anatomy
Lab
Tap
Youth group
Birthday Party

I think about what I'm going to wear :
no ideas yet

I wonder if my sister is awake at collage,
Or if my friend Jayna is headed to bed.

I don't have any brilliant ideas or captivating thoughts.
Just silence.

I think Jesus is loudest when I am quiet.
So often I pour out my thoughts and my prayers and I talk to him and I want to be fixed-
But I don't often wait for an answer.

I have no idea why I'm awake right now, because my alarm is set for 6:30.
But it's quiet.
So I'm going to quiet too.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

remember to feel the sun

There is something healing about the sunshine.
It peaks out, chasing away the clouds.
It shines bright and warm, illuminating through the grey blanket that has blurred reality for so long.

The sun comes and reminds me that bones do thaw.
It paints to sky blue and lures people outside,
our lungs craving to be filled with oxygen.



I've been sad lately.
The sad that seemingly comes from nowhere, yet looms and cripples me.
I miss my dear friend who died six months ago.
My heart aches from the pain and loss and trauma that is all so very fresh.

It's seemed impossible to leave my house, much less plan the next five years of my life.

But the sun pokes out,
and shines high and bright.
It evaporates rain,
burns out darkness,
reminding me that
flowers can still bloom.
the sun still rises
and God doesn't keep us in the rain forever. 

Sunday, March 26, 2017

don't be a victim [thoughts on love/attention neediness]


Sometimes we sit and watch other people take attention.
They take take take.
And usually it's justified,
but sometimes it's not.

Nerveless, we watch.
And sometimes, I want/need some of that love too.
So I silently begin to feel hurt.
I harbor resentment on why no-one reads my mind.
Why no one-cares enough to give me love and attention.

But that's exactly it-
people aren't mind readers.
Your friends are all psychologists,
analyzing your every finger twitch,

So please, let's stop being victims.
Stop watching
and being sad
and feeling hurt and alone.

Stand up, you strong and valuable woman,
For you are absolutely worthy of love and attention-
your heavenly father hears your every ache.
You are loved.
You are valuable.
And you are absolutely not alone.
  

Thursday, March 16, 2017

hey there tired soul

hey there tired soul.
these days are long, jam packed with routine and deadlines.
coffee is frequent, sleep is not.
and we pull ourselves together.
and it goes
on
and on
and on.

so, you tired soul,
take a breath.
come on, just do it.
in through your nostrils.
now out through your mouth.

one more time.

feel that?

your hearts still beating,
waiting to hear the next chapter.
your lungs still fill,
giving you what you need to take the next breath.
and God is still good,
holding you tight,
you tired, weary soul. 

Thursday, March 9, 2017

rain

the rain drips down
drowning out sound
filling the holes
hiding the moles
making me feel old.
old and cold and soggy and groggy.

drip
drip
plop.

plop
drip
drop.

drop
plop
drip.

round
and down
and all with out sound
my mind pounds
and thounds
waiting to drown
the confusion that keeps going round and round

Sunday, March 5, 2017

things that make me happy


flowers
chocolate cupcakes
painted nails
a new week in my planner
hot coffee
rain
honest conversations
jeans
dancing
pea coats
big smiles
other people's joy
cozy gatherings
quiet
plum & grey

//////////////////////////////////////
spending moments remembering that happiness is the result of surroundings,
but joy is the understanding of who God is and what he has done.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

i need some help!

heyo beautiful peoples of the interweb-

I need some advice.
I'm doing some research about being a "church kid" and I want your ideas and opinions!
Tell me:
1) what's the fist thing that crosses your mind when I say "church kid"?
2) what (from your experience) is the hardest part about growing up as a church kid?
3) anything else you want to say about the topic!!

thanks so much!!!!
xxoxo

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

hey God, it's me, elissa.


Why can't I just learn all the life lessons already?
Like, seriously God.
All this waiting and unknown is getting kinda old; can't you just tell me what you're thinking?

I know dependence on you is a good lesson and all, but I was kind of hoping to be done with it by now.

Maybe we could move on to joy?
Or, say, faithfulness?
I could settle for a real good conviction on teaching Sunday school twice a month, as opposed to once a month.

God, I'd appreciate some clear "how to" manuals, if that isn't too much to ask.
Yeah, the Bible is awesome and all...
but I'm not exactly finding the answers I was looking for.

You see, I was looking for closure on some trauma.
I looked and it told me that trauma is part of the broken world,
and you hold me in every situation.

I was hoping you could take my guilt from me,
but the Bible said that I needed to lay it at your feet.

I asked about a situation that I would like to stay silent in
 (hint: I was looking for some backup)
But then the Bible said something about speaking truth loudly, which wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for.

So okay, fine.
 I'll try to learn grace and contentment and peace and self-sacrifice.
I'll remember: your will. not mine. 

But if you happen to change your mind, feel free to drop of that instruction manual.
It's the second mailbox.  

Thursday, February 9, 2017

being raw in a pulled-together world




In all reality, the past few weeks have contained long, hard days.
Teary, emotional, gut wrenching, make you want to hide-in-a-hole-for-no-apparent-reason kinda days.
I sat in my car and screamed between sobs.
I vocalized questions that I will never know the answers to.



And then suddenly the earth is covered in a sparkling white blanket.
Everything was canceled.
People were stuck.
And all I could do was stare out of the snow globe,
sip coco and Facebook stalk.

Sit in the quiet.
Breathe a little.
Put on my smartwool.
And remember that it's necessary to stop and breathe.

Because at some point,
I've got to postpone putting my big-girl pants on.
Stop pulling it together.
Open the bottled emotion. 



I had a meltdown over the phone a few days ago.
And as I hung up, I told myself that the meltdown was over.
get it together Elissa
everything's fine and I'm just being hormonal.

But I think I was wrong.
I'm learning that I have to stop constantly pulling-it-together,
and allow myself to be a little raw.

Friends, this is me being raw.
I usually like to write posts a safe distance away from the uncomfortable, so I can wrap it in a pretty bow for you.
I try to give resolution and show God's hand.

But life doesn't always have immediate resolution.
And I think it's so so so important to remember that God's hand is in both the pretty and the dirty, whether we see it or not.

So I'm gonna try be a little raw for a while.
I'm going to talk about it.
I'm going to remember that
God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; 
God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 
God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, (1 corth. 1:27-28)
I challenge you to do the same.




Saturday, February 4, 2017

tomorrow morning


hey.
tomorrow morning when you brush your teeth,
scrunched over the sink, 
looking like death,
remember that you're beautiful.

don't say no.
don't hide
or cover up
or run away.

remember that you are powerful and brave.
remember that you are flawed yet perfect.
know that you carry light that can brighten the darkest of places.

so you,
you beautiful soul,
stand tall.
take a deep breath.
exhale.
today, remember who you are.

Friday, January 27, 2017

MY VLOG IS HERE *EVERYONE CHEERS*

YOU GUYS, I FINALLY MADE A VIDEO AND I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!     AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a few thoughts/disclaimers:
i look bald
i make a werid smacking/pooching sound with my lips in-between sentences
my little brother is practicing his piano in the background
i say "like" alot and sound, like, uneducated
and what is even happening with my eyebrows

So now I will shut up and stop being insecure and let you grab some tea and watch the q & a!!




let me know what questions I missed, and let me reply to all you beautiful people! 

Monday, January 23, 2017

15 resons you're worth it


  1. because you have talent
  2. you hold power
  3. because you give
  4. you are beautiful
  5. you are unique
  6. you are loved
  7. your light shines from within
  8. you have joy
  9. you contain forgiveness
  10. because you make people laugh
  11. you have admirers
  12. you are smart
  13. you are loved
  14. you are so so special
  15. you're worth it. so very worth it.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

err, do y'all have questions//potential vlog

you guys, I think I'm going to make a vlog Q&A.
I know.
*everyone collectively rolls their eyes because the bandwagon has already left the station*
^^I'm not really sure what the "bandwagon has left the station" means but it sounds right so......

So if you've ever wanted to ask me why I talk a lot or if I sleep with socks on or off, now is your golden opportunity! Seriously, leave questions in the comments below.

Also, if you wanna watch some awesome bloggers vlogs check out:

Olivia from summer of 1999: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pQKa3El4ys 
Abbie for Abbiee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02IK_g7rU9k
Vanessa from Simply Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGkGqy1afSw
Grace from Totally Graced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJUnDmPvc94

happy sunday!

Saturday, January 7, 2017

the unspoken anniversaries


Sometimes days come that we don't want to acknowledge.
They may sneak up on us;
or maybe they shout out their coming arrival.
Whatever the case may be, the calender still turns.
The memories of days past still come.
And these memories we face become anniversaries.

Anniversaries of things that can't be mentioned in chit-chat.
Memories that are held close,
stored deeply in our very being.

We're not to talk with strangers about these things.
Sometimes, we can't talk with anyone about these anniversaries,
these feelings.

But the days arrive and the thoughts unpack.
The sun rises in order that we might live through this.
We convince ourselves that we are meant to walk through these anniversaries alone,
although nothing could be further from the truth.

So when the day arrives, stand tall.
Look it in the eye.
Gather your troops- friends, chocolate, movies, family, journals, phone calls- whoever they are.
Let them walk the day with you.
For you, dear one,
are not meant to face these days alone.