hey there tired soul

hey there tired soul.
these days are long, jam packed with routine and deadlines.
coffee is frequent, sleep is not.
and we pull ourselves together.
and it goes
on
and on
and on.

so, you tired soul,
take a breath.
come on, just do it.
in through your nostrils.
now out through your mouth.

one more time.

feel that?

your hearts still beating,
waiting to hear the next chapter.
your lungs still fill,
giving you what you need to take the next breath.
and God is still good,
holding you tight,
you tired, weary soul. 

inside my planner

I love looking at how other people stay sane. Mainly, I love admiring organization.
I loveeeee lists.
I lovvveee organization.
And I loveeee my planner,
Well, the feeling I get from using my planner. The planner itself is kinda meh, although I've grown to love it.

 This is the outside. It's a flexible plastic, which is great because it's very durable and easy to wipe stuff of off. Not that I ever spill anything or anything...
I drew on it with a gold paint pen, to jazz up the black cover. I sorta wish I drew something more interesting, but I also like the simplicity of it.

The inside is the neat version of my life. It looks full and clean and organized. And my life is full and crazy and complicated. Yet this planner is so helpful.
It's the other half of my brain most days.

I write quotes on the top of each week, and use them like a weekly moto. I also keep a little tab on my current week so I can flip to it easily.
I write my classes and anything else going on, but I don't use it for assignments. (I keep those on separate assignment sheets in the subject notebook/folder)
The planner has a month-at-a-glance feature that I try to use for blogging, but I'm not always full of inspiration at the beginning of the month soooooooo.

And that's about it! Let me know how/if you use a planner in the comments below!

well hello

I originally wrote out a big apology for the beginning of this post, making excuses and saying how busy these past months have been, blah, blah, blahh.  But then I saw the date of my last post and realized it has just been three weeks. 

Three weeks containing an eternity. 

finals week// was nuts. Countless hours of studying, homework, studying, portfolios, tears, more tears, research, writing, Hamilton soundtrack, 2:30am facetime calls, naked face, sweat pants, endless bottles of water.  

cleaning// was not something I had a ton of time to do, but it happened anyway. Dusting, mowing, weeding, clipping, vacuuming, sweeping, throwing things out, trips to the thrift store, finding fifty-thousand bobby pins, wiping down endless counters, smelling like cleaner. 

grandparents// and aunt came. And we did fun, hippie, Washington things which was great. Delicious food was also involved. 

awards night// at the place we take classes. Crunchy certificates, teachers talking way too long, beautiful music, kind words, thank you cards, seeing sister in cap and gown for the first time, ugly uniforms, misty rain.

show run-through// was exhausting and good all at the same time. It was so great to see everything come together, but it was hot. And I had to leave early for...

sisters graduation// sweaty, bun hair, cute shoes, all grown up, sunshine, lump in throat, awards, pride, thoughts of age and growth, pictures, yummy dinner, beach photos, late night. 

graduation party// was full of friends. Pictures of us growing up, good hair day, family, cute babies, clean house, food, so many cars, (and cards!), laughter, heat, flowers, scrapbooks, pintrest-y-ness, chairs, gifts, and bare feet. 

tech week// I actually sort of vlogged, thinking I would be a awesome blogger and share the week with you. But I realized I am a bad vlogger, and you guys wouldn't even want to hear my rambles. So let me know. It was filled with KIND bars, pointe shoes, leotards, tights, bobby pins, drama, facebook group messages, trash bag pants, and lighting issues. 

oz// was great, and deserves its own post.  Post is comming. ;)

we are the travelers

We're all travelers, wondering these roads.

We all are driving through the traffic jams,
the corn fields,
the mountains. 

We're bound to end up on the floor of a rest-station bathroom at some point. 

We're all travelers, making our way through these roads. 

Sometimes slowly.

Other times zipping past reality.  

We all want to make a mark. 

Leave a legacy. 

Change the world.

I inhale the pollution, allowing despair and sadness to fill my lungs.
Cars flying by me with direction.

Yet I feel like I'm in a corn-maze.
Running around, having no idea where I'm going.
Lost. Tired. Knowing clouds are coming.

I'm I traveler, wondering the roads placed before me.
Sometimes I run. Other times I jog.
But not now.

Today I walk.
Inhaling what's before me.
Exhaling pollution.

We all travel these roads.
Will we walk together? 

today

Today, I arise with a grateful heart.
The sound of rain reminds me of the storms I have been pulled out of.

I choose to give thanks, and rejoice in this day.
I choose to look for God's gifts to me.

I will remind myself of the never failing love I have received,
and do my best to dispense it to those around me.

Today is a gift.
You have filled my lungs with life.
You beckoned me from dark, to light.

And I choose to give thanks.

Warm nights gazing at the stars.
Good friends filling the kitchen with laughter.
Snuggles from a sleeping 4 year old.

   Your heart fills me.
       Your love surrounds me.

Who am I?

Who am I God, to receive these gifts?

I will worship you today.
Fully
Passionately

I will surrender my schedules, my agenda, my goals.
  I trust that your plans are better then my

You will give me joy, when I align myself with your character.
You will give me strength when I cry out to you.
You will answer my unspoken needs.

Today, I will find you in the little things.

Discover new blogs- Liebster Award

Hello friends! Yesterday I was nominated for the Liebster award by Mikayla from The Bubblegum Ballerina.  The purpose if this is too meet and discover new blogs, and I am so excited to participate. Read on to hear the answers to the questions Mikayla asked me! 

1. What is the funniest thing you've done this week? 
      This wasn't as much funny as humiliating at the time, but looking back, it was kind of funny. My mom and I were out running errands, and one of our stops was Target. We each found what we needed, and met up at the checkout. My mom, upon realizing she had forgotten to grab something, left me with our cart in line. The only checkout line open. I started checking out our stuff, and pretty soon I was left with two things in the card. Two packages of pads. Lots of pads. I hand the packages to the 20-something checkout guy, (without making eye contact) and he proceeds to plop them right on top of the cart. And my mom is still not back. The line has grown. I'm standing, waiting awkwardly while everyone in line is staring at the pads in my cart. I just wanted to scream, "I HAVE SISTERS, okay?!?!?!?" It was terrible.  

2. Are you on summer break? If so, what are you doing with your free time? 

     I am on summer break for the most part; twiddling my thumbs. No, I have been heavily rehearsing for a show that just ended this weekend. I've also been babysitting :) 

3. What is ONE of your favorite songs? 
     Hmmm, I am definitely a music junkie. However, I'm a bit obsessed with the music from The Lion King right now, and I especially love They Live in You.

   

4. If you could do anything right now, what would it be? 
     Buy a plane ticket to Hawaii, and vist my friend Jayna. Who doesn't want to go to Hawaii?
 

5. What book(s) are you reading right now? 
      This is kind of embarrassing, but I recently picked up some of the Miss. Piggle Wiggle books. These where childhood favorites of mine, and I am loving rereading them! I've also been trying to make a habit of picking up my Bible regularly, which is serving me well. :)
 

6. What's your favorite part of blogging? 
      Hmm, I definitely enjoy most aspects of blogging, so it is hard to pick a favorite! However, by far the most rewarding thing is receiving comments from readers who were able to relate to my content, and be encouraged. It makes my day, every time!
 

7. What are some of your blogging goals? 
      Well, my number one goal is to write helpful content that reminds readers that they are not alone! I try to be honest and vulnerable in my writing, because as young women, it is easy to isolate ourselves and feel like we are the only ones.  
      Selfishly, I would love to grow my readers, but if I can touch one heart through this blog, then it is worth it.
 

8. What's the hardest part about blogging for you? 
      Staying motivated to post frequently. I sometimes wonder if anyone even reads this silly, little blog, and I can certainly make a number of excuses to not post.
 

9. What is your favorite word?
      As far as sounds, and the English language goes, definitely the word prologue. But love is another important word to me. I write it on little notes to myself everywhere.
 

10. Could you share a miscellaneous fact about yourself for us?
       I love to play violin and piano. Not at the same time. Is that lame?
 

11. Sweet or unsweetened tea?
        This is a trick question! Sweet tea is too sweat, but I can't stand unsweetened tea unless the tea itself is good tea. So does unsweetened tea, with some raw sugar count?

I would like to nominate the following bloggers:

   Elizabeth at Whimsical Thoughts 

Jayna at Letters to Elissa

I will be sending questions your way!

Thank you so much for stopping by my piece of the internet! Please take a moment to follow me though Blogger, Google+, and Bloglovin. I look forward to hearing from you! 

You can't make everyone happy-You are not Nutella.

You guys, I finished biology and English.

I know!!! *This is where you applaud*

  It has been one of the longest, hardest school years of my life. I spent many, many, many, long hours hunched over a laptop or sitting at my kitchen table smelling brain smoke. My eyeballs have felt like they were on fire from all the work mean-old-me was making them do. I'm sure my teachers are excited to finally stop receiving five e-mail's from me, per week.

  Last week was the academic award ceremony/graduation of the seniors. It was long and I was ready to go home, take of my bra and make-up, curl up to do some Facebook stalking. The redeeming factor was the little stack of certificates and a ugly plack.

  ....... Honor Roll
   Chapel Team....
.....Peer Tudor..
     ....Student of the Year...

It was a satisfying feeling to stick those in my portfolio.

When the buzz-buzz of alarm number three went off the next morning, math was the first thing on the "productive agenda". The math that I got seriously behind in, and will be doing for the next month or so. And even though my teachers told me nice things, and I was given congratulatory hugs, and I had a nice stack of papers; you guys, I felt like a failure.

 A very stupid failure.
Someone who didn't get a single top grade.
Someone who abandoned her French.
Someone who was the stupid child who would never graduate high school, all because she didn't get her lazy butt to do Algebra.

  And I invited those stupid lies into my heart. I let them hang out.
And let me tell you, they made themselves very comfortable. And they called in their friends.

I'm not going to go into the gritty details, but it wasn't a fun place.

 You guys, I am not the very-stupidest-person-to-ever-crawl-the-earth.
I am not a failure to my teachers.
  I am a hard worker, who's high standards are my demise.
I am a valuable and loved child to my parents.
   My friends believe in me, and don't dwell in my flaws.
Most importantly, I am perfect and complete servant before my God.

 What about you?

Are you the "disappointment child"?
The "ugly duckling"?
  The "worst friend ever"?

No. You are not. You are not to lost, to wrong, or to 'whatever' to change the world.
Your demands of yourself may be working against your design from God. Now, I'm not saying dedication and perseverance are wrong or bad. I think these are some of the most important character traits to develop. But if you are like me, and let lies sneak in because of this, hear me.
No good can come from listening and believing lies.

Remember- we are works in progress in God's timing. Not our own.

What I'm Up Too....

This quote perfectly sums my current emotional state. I am completely overwhelmed with the sheer mass of things I need to do. 7 page science paper. Research paper. Final biology exam. Algebra. Let's not forget the never ending Algebra. Yay.

Oh yeah, and my six hour rehearsal tomorrow.

I am slightly panicked. A little irritable. And totally ready for summer break.

  Cancer is once again touching a dear family friend. Big sis is looking at collages. We got rid of our car seats yesterday.

 And in the midst of this panic, this feeling of overwhelm, I keep coming back to these verses:

"But I trust in you, Lord;    I say, “You are my God.”  My times are in your hands;
    deliver me from the hands of my enemies,    from those who pursue me.  Let your face shine on your servant;
    save me in your unfailing love. "-Psalm 31: 14-16

Q: Do you find it easier to trust God when you are feeling in control, or totally overwhelmed? 

Thank you so much for stopping by Letters to Jayna. Please take a moment to leave a comment, and let me know what you think! Also, feel free to follow me on Bloglovin, Google+, and Blogger for the latest updates!

I can do it! (I hope...)

Oh my. Blaahhhhh!! Let me explain to you why my blogging has disappeared- biology exams, puking, Christmas shopping, dance. Plus, yours truly is getting her wisdom teeth out on Friday. Yup. All four of them. So I need to get all my Christmas projects done before then. Plus I really need to get my butt in gear for my science fair project.

   Any words of advice as far as wisdom teeth go?

But do not fear friends- I have lots of ideas planned for the blog, and I am so excited to get writing!

Q: What have you been up too in these past few weeks?

 -Elissa 

2 feet + 2 bone caps = Bad News

   Dear Jayna & friends in blogger land-



NOTE: This post is going to be about........drum roll.............Feet!! If that totally grosses you out, you might not want to read on. But don't worry; I wont be showing any pictures of toe nails coming off. ;)

 So you made it mast the gross introduction, ignored the fact that I haven't written in a month, and are sitting reading what I have to say. Thanks!


To begin my story:


  In April and May of this year I started having some pain in my calf/heel area. It wasn't bad, but it was obnoxious. It increased as my rehearsals got more and more intense, and was really painful after doing any foot movement. I wrote it of as achilles tendonitis from overuse, and that after the show in June it would be fine. Babying it outside of dance, and icing it fairly often was my plan. BUT, then summer came and went and it still wasn't totally better. Frustrating.


   
  Went to see a PT, PT sent me to orthopedic surgeon/ podiatrist and said it is a impingement in my heel. Basically, a little bone that sticks of my bone is rubbing a lot and is mad. It's supper inflamed and irritated. So now, I am completely benched, stuck applying cream every morning and every night, icing three times a day, and going to physical therapy three times a week. So no Nutcracker for me this year either. Agggggggggg. Can you just feel the peace oozing from me?

  So here we are with painful feet, no Nutcracker, and no physical activities. After I had auditioned, gotten cast, and learned my parts I was told no. Called into the dance center office and told no. No Nutcracker, and no dance. Hopefully it will just be for a month. But it still is obnoxious.


  So here we are sitting with Nutcracker withdrawal symptoms. Again.


But I am learning how to be at peace. Learning the importance of grace. Learning the dangers of jealousy.  I wish God could have just been like, "Hey Elissa, experience my peace, live with grace, and don't let jealousy come close to your heart. And I love you." But no, He didn't.


  But I will learn. Learn the importance of  having faith in something bigger then myself.
But that also means learning how to fully feel the not-so-peaceful things.


          Love,
                     Elissa


Question: What has God's grace looked like in your life lately?

Oh wait; breathing is good!

Dear Jayna,

  On Tuesday, a lady came to watch our ballet class. She came in about 20 minutes into the hour and a half class. She  was about 5' 1". She had a Russian accent. And no one had any idea what she was doing there. So she sat. And watched.
  And we then did the next logical thing: freaked out. Silently. And we started working really, supper, hard, while silently wishing we had done out hair nice, or warn tights without holes in them.

Oh, did I mention that she sat right in front of me? Yeah. She pretty much scared the snot out of me.
   While were at the barre, her eyeballs were burning holes into my feet (okay fine. She was looking at other people's feet too. It felt like she was looking at just mine though.)
  I was nervous. So I forgot to take a breath...... or two.
Mr. Weaver had to come over three times and pretend to fix my feet or whatever. But he was really whispering under his breath: "Elissa. Breath!"
   So yeah. That is what happened on Tuesday.

Believe it or not, writing this is something that I want to do. Not something that I guilt tripped myself into doing. It feel's kind of weird.

  Yep, and that tell's you something about my past few weeks. Doing allot of things: all essentially "good' things. But I have done so much, and it all kinda lost the fun affect, and instead gave the stress affect. And stress does some pretty weird things to me.
It makes me emotional. Like, supper emotional over stupid things.
It makes me feel pressured. I feel like I have to do everything perfectly, and drive myself crazy trying to do everything as good as I possibly can.
And, it makes me grumpy. I forget that the whole world doesn't know how stressed I am. And I think I should get a get out of jail free card (which I really deserve).

  Yeah, so spring break pretty much here. And maybe we will get a bunch of sun:)
But I have kinda been forgetting to breath lately. So that is my goal for spring break.
            breathing.

What are your goal's for spring?
  
       Love
             -Elissa

shhh, it's a surprise!

Dear Jayna,

Rachel's 16th Birthday party has officially come and gone! And boy oh boy, it was exciting!
It was a surprise party (hence the post title...;p) and it was a h-a-r-d secret to keep.
We had it on a Friday night: the who swim team, home school friends, and anyone else that crossed her mind was invited.

                                                        waiting for the birthday girl

                                                                       Smile!

                                                     The banner that Sarah and I made

                                                                    blowing

                                             
                                                    Love,
                                                             Elissa

 

Ballet, Tap, And All That Jazz!

 Dear Jayna,
How has life been? B-U-S-Y.
Why? Because our recital is N-E-X-T  W-E-E-K.
NEXT WEEK.
I am feeling very calm, because we have had our dances finished for a very long time and they are all ready cleaned up, and ready to go.  not really.

I am at the point where I am dreaming about every possible thing that could (and couldn't for that matter) happen, and trying to get ballet slippers washed, lost jazz shoes found, costumes together and hung up, lists of things to bring made, thank you cards and gifts being bought. Trying to get that in between classes, rehearsal, and a little thing called life:)

  My new pointe shoes!! Mirella Advanced.:)

                      Love,
                                    Elissa