I'm really sorry for my lack of content lately. December has been filled with non-stop dance, and school, and dance and school and dance and school and school and dance. and school.
The collage search and SATs are beginning to breathe down my neck and so be honest, it's so overwhelming. I've been asked approximately fifty thousand times about my "after high school plans" during this holiday season and I really have nothing to say. I have so many ideas and interests, but I'm struggling to balance reality and dreams.
To be honest, this semester has been nothing I hoped it would be. I'm taking hard classes, but I micromanaged my schedule in September so that it would be manageable. I'm on a good track and I was trying to hard to be ahead of the game, to be prepared and responsible. But then all of the sudden I'm poking at food, staring at text books without seeing a word, and laying awake at three in the morning. Everyone is done with their shallow, public sobs. And we are left missing.
There have been two adult suicides in our little town within the past two weeks. Two. I fight fear of another phone call. Things bring me back to those horrible moments. But I'm looking for beautiful. I'm searching
for hope and the light of Jesus in this time.
The simple things remind me that I cannot do any of this on my own strength- that I need help constantly. My actions need grace. My studies needs perseverance. My relationships need Jesus. And in all reality, this isn't a bad place to be. Because it's in my complete and utter broken and emptiness that I realize my need for a savior.
So this is where I'm at. Thanks for sticking around with me- I really appreciate you guys:)
Also, check out my updated other good stuff page and my latest post on BURNING YOUTH.