Slamming out of the empty dressing room, late for tap because chemistry went late agian, I crashed into our executive directer.
"Elissa, you are such a celebrity," she said with a smile.
"All the little girls are so star struck by you. Ruby (her seven-year-old) is all 'I know her. She babysits for me.' You are so popular."
I replied and rushed into tap, but her words ran over and over in my head.
when are they watching me
those little girls think you hung the moon
"...you're a celebrity..."
"...i know her.."
I remember being those girls so clearly.
Watching and thinking about how big and cool the 'big girls' were.
Scared to death of them, but in absolute awe.
And someday, I would be a big girl.
i am the top level
i am dorothy, traveling to Oz
i carry the show
My whole dance life I've felt a certain degree of invisibility.
Never quite good enough to leave the corpe.
Not the most flexible, nor the owner of beautiful arches.
I've worked and worked and worked, but never front and center.
Always the corpe.
Many times an understudy.
But never the star.
Never the 'celebrity.'
I'm a big girl.
Am I someone they can see Jesus in?
Am I kind?
Do I work hard?
Am I inclusive?
Do I treat all equally?
Have they heard me talk crap?
Have they watched me roll my eyes behind a classmates back?
Those little ones have big eyes.
Big, big eyes.
What are they seeing?
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